After a night of Las Vegas debauchery, a man groggily wakes up to find a scantily dressed girl next to him in bed. On the nightstand, he sees what appears to be a wedding photograph from one of the strip’s wedding chapels. Hastily putting on his glasses he covers his mouth in shock because he realizes he is the one in the film.
Although the woman’s face is partially covered, he notices the cheap wedding ring on her finger. He spots an open purse. He rummages through her handbag and he finds her wallet. He looks at her driver’s license and sees her first name is Christina – he already knows what her last name is.
And before he shuts her bag he finds a wide-ruled paper written in crayon beginning with Dear Mommy. The now-sober man realizes not only is he a husband, but he’s also a brand new stepdad.
The Way To Do It
When a few dates, they make a relationship and fall in love before deciding to get married. In the exact same manner, if there is a child involved and your relationship is heading toward the altar you should start courting your future stepchild. With the purpose of establishing a relationship and creating a relationship before proposing marriage.
Developing a relationship with a potential stepchild is significantly easier and less stressful for all concerned when a spouse is still considered to be a parent’s boyfriend or girlfriend than it is when you become a stepparent. If you currently have children your partner should understand and be able to embrace the truth, you come as a package deal.
Can Not Be Santa
A frequent mistake made by many stepparents-to-be would be to shower their fiancé’s children with gifts in an effort to buy their affections. The first issue is children know when someone is trying to buy their love. They are savvy enough not to fall for the bait.
The second issue is that the child might start to expect gifts from you all of the time and unless you’re Daddy Warbucks, this will eventually put a strain on your finances. Or even worse you contribute to the creation of a spoiled brat that expects to receive everything they want.
The affection and trust of a stepchild come with taking time and effort to develop a real relationship with them – not from trying to push it onto them.
Take an Interest in Your Child
One of the best ways to connect with a new stepchild would be to take an interest in what interests them. If a child isn’t open about what they like, a talk with the biological parent might offer a starting point. If a stepchild is interested in animals, a trip to the zoo might offer a wonderful chance for bonding.
Older children can be harder to pin down and there are fewer chances to bond together. Offering to help with homework or taking an interest in their favorite video game might not be the strongest of beginnings to a connection, but it’s a beginning.
As you’re taking an interest in your future stepchild’s interests, you could also involve your stepchild in your interests. A child already knows their biological parents and has had lots of opportunities to get involved with them and their interests. One of the easiest ways to allow a new stepchild into the life of their new or potential stepparent is to let them get involved in their pursuits.
For example, if the stepmom-to-be is part of a bowling league, the kids may not mind going to the bowling alley and get to watch or even get involved in the game. At the same time, it’s essential to make sure that the stepchild has to spend time with their biological parent.
In shared custody, your stepchildren is only going to receive a limited amount of time to spend with each of the biological parents. You should help make sure your stepchild maintains a healthy relationship with their biological mother and father.
Take Your Time
The greatest gift you can give your new stepchild is time. Remember your stepchild is grieving the loss of their nuclear family. It will take some time for them to get used to the fact their biological parents are no longer living in the same home.
It may take more time for them to accept one or both of their parents have found someone else to fall in love with. It will take at least two or three years before a stepparent can actually build what could be considered a healthy relationship with their stepchildren. This may be made easier if the future stepparent starts to connect with the child prior to the wedding.